Anyone else’s child evil?!
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Evil? At 2 🤔
My son does a lot of that as well but I would never consider him evil 😭😂 he’s going through terrible twos and is doing what’s expected of him! 🤦🏾♀️ that’s a crazy thing to say in my opinion 😭
Praise the positive, don’t laugh or give too much attention to the negative, deal with it boringly and ignore it. He repeats what gets a reaction or is interesting. Say yes as much as you can, pick your battles and plenty of opportunities to play, explore . Be outside, climb or be messy.
I wouldn't shout, loud and firm redirections but not shouting. They're learning so many new things at this stage, they're learning coping behaviours too. Shouting will either upset them or encourage the behaviour
‘Bad’ behaviour is a symptom of a lack of connection and an unmet need. He might be seeking more time with you, more play with you, more affection. He just wants some understanding. He’s feeling a lot inside his little body and he doesn’t understand his own emotions. He needs you to let him know that’s it’s ok and he’s still a good kid. He needs assurance that he is seen and valued by you outside of just his behaviour. Don’t see behaviour as the main event, see it as a window into an unmet need. Bad behaviour isn’t fixed immediately, it takes an ongoing effort to build the connection with your child to really see a difference. It’s why things like ‘reward’ charts don’t work long term. When he’s holding stuff to throw, grab his hands ‘baby I’m not going to let you throw this, shall we go and do some puzzles or reading together’. When he’s having a tantrum he just wants to feel like you get it. That you there with him. That he’s not bad for feeling these emotions.
@Sara I’m going to order this!! Thanks for the recommendations
@Leonie honestly I never thought I’d ever shout at him but I feel like he pushes me so far. I’m normally really tolerant. I don’t know what’s happening to me at the minute!
He is not evil. It is very hard to be calm and stay in control. I completely understand. My son used to bite me whenever I said no to him, also hitting, smashing...it did stop later on but we had to live through it for a year or even 1.5 year ...
@Amelia thank you so much for that response. That is so helpful you don’t even realise 😭 I’ve gone back to work full time recently and I really do feel like it’s caused this a little bit. He seems clingier and it feels like I’m always leaving him. I’m going to work on making sure we connect. Honestly I used to be patient but I feel like the lack of sleep and full work week is killing me at the minute and I’m always at the end of my tether.
@Lena oh wow. Can’t imagine another year of it! I think it just feels like there’s no end at the minute. I did everything right like soft hands and being consistent but it’s all gone out the window because I’m so fed up and stressed
@Camille think you’re getting hung up on the wording maybe. Obviously I don’t think my kid is actually evil 😂
We all lose our patience don’t beat yourself up about it… I’ve worked in child psychology/therapy and I’m still not perfect even with my own 🤣😢. Being a mum is hard, especially when you’re full time working. I’d suggest just taking even 10/15 minutes when you can, and do some un-interrupted play with him. And if he is having a moment of being really dysregulated, it’s okay to leave the ‘discipline’ for a bit. Be there for him, let him calm down, give a cuddle or something. And then you can re visit it. A Good way is ‘wow you had some really big feelings there, I have big feelings too sometimes and it’s pretty scary. I love you and we can work this out together’. Try not to focus too much on just stopping the behaviour as it’s happening. without really getting to the why, new issues are just going to keep popping up x
Another book on child psychology that I've found incredibly useful is called "No-Drama Discipline," by the same authors as "The Whole-Brain Child." Both excellent books and worth a read. Lots of good advice in here, but another tip that I've found useful is to save the word "no" for when you seriously mean it. Never use it in jest and only use it for things that are seriously a danger or hazard ("No, we don't touch the electrical outlets"), so that when you do say it, they pay attention. And rather than saying "don't" do something, tell them what they should be doing instead. Example: Instead of "Don't stand on the table," you can say "where do our feet belong? On the floor." It gives them a schema for how to behave rather than just telling them what not to do.
He's not evil lol. But that definitely sounds like the terrible twos! When my eldest daughter first went through it I spoke to my health visitor for tips and she was helpful, I've also picked up some of my own on the way. - get down to eye level whenever you want to seriously correct him. - opt for redirecting instead of saying 'stop/no', you can also do this by providing at-least two reasonable options - praise ALL positive behaviour no matter now small. Above all I would say be consistent in how you interact with him. A lot of cuddles and even more patience. It will be hard but the time goes so quick. I am on my second round of 'terrible twos' currently and it's soo much easier now that I've learned what I have. They're really just acting out because they're trying to communicate something to us that we aren't quite getting. Once you figure out what it is it's 100'x easier. The Hardest part is figuring it out!!