Grandparent problems 🙃

I’m sorry, darling, but that is nasty behavior on her part. Even if she had a favorite, she should never let it become that obvious. that can introduce a whole world of issues for the little boy later in life. Like never feeling like enough around her. Secondly, the fact that she has such little regard for their health and wellness is disgusting. I understand wanting to treat the kids, but it’s not a treat if it’s all the time. Have you tried having a serious conversation with your partner about all of this and how you feel? I know it’s easier said than done but communication is a key factor in a healthy relationship. You are the mom so you get final say. And that’s that. Period. And if she doesn’t respect that, she shouldn’t be allowed to see your kids. And that’s just what I believe. You have to do what’s right for you and your family, but maybe keeping her from the kids right now until she can respect your wishes is the right move.

MILs are point blank C@nts! If you have a good MIL I envy you. It’s an entitlement for a certain generation I think. ** boundaries at CJ says is an absolute must and remember people that have a problem with your boundaries are the people that need the boundaries **

Sounds like you need to set clear boundaries (ex. “If you continue to give the kids sweets after I’ve asked you to stop, we will not be leaving to kids in your care any more.) I had to do this with my mom.

Definitely set boundaries and have a stern word with your husband as this isn’t right at all, especially having a blatant favourite which is in all honest I do not like. My biggest worry is when we have another child my MIL will also be showing favouritism towards my first daughter as she absolutely adores her but I’ll definitely be setting boundaries x

I have the same issue (not favouritism yet, still pregnant with second). I've actually taken a can of Coca-Cola out of my MIL's hand and threw it out because she was giving it to my (at the time) 1 yo. All I can say is keep reinforcing your boundaries and rules. Keep talking to you husband about healthy eating and that your MIL keeps ignoring your parenting. If that still doesn't work you can always spam them with nutrition articles about how important healthy eating is in the first 5-7 years.

I feel like conversation with husband first to get on the same page and then firm boundaries with MIL are gonna be key. If either of them are not going to get on the same page as you, then either husband gets to deal with the aftermath of stomach aches when he takes them over there or the kids don't go over there much anymore.

yeah she definitely wouldn’t be seeing my kids anymore. that’s so disrespectful not only towards you and your wishes for your children but also to the children!!! if they are good at eating foods and then she’s covering them in sugar just because??? sugar is as addictive as cocaine (not saying sugar is evil, it’s is perfectly fine in moderation). if she gets them to the point where they won’t eat fruits anymore unless they’re doused in sugar, she is setting them up for lifelong health problems. i would absolutely have a serious conversation with husband. i’d make it clear to him that he can have that conversation with his mother or i will, but it is definitely gonna be had. i’d tell her that i appreciate her wanting to spend time with my children but she needs to treat them equally or she won’t get to see them anymore. and she needs to respect my boundaries with food and not give them things i’ve said no to or she will not be seeing them unsupervised.

I would be setting some ground rules as and when these situations happen. If MIL wants granddaughter to stay over one night, grandson gets the next stay, and if that's not suitable for her, neither of them go at all. Putting sugar on fruit... For a child... Crazy. But again, I would simply take it off my child, replace it with a snack I bring and place it in MILs hands and politely let her know that you're managing the amount of sugar your littles are consuming because they've been getting stomachaches. If she has the audacity to give it back to your child, I would simply leave. As others have said, partner needs to be on the same page. We plan to introduce a system where when our LO starts toddling, if they want something like sweets, crisp, chocolate, thats fine, but they have to also choose either a piece of fruit or vegetable alongside it. We will also be telling our parents to do the same. Definitely need some boundaries!

Everyone who says boundaries is correct. “The kids are allowed one-two added-sugar sweets per day. Any more and I will be ending the visit early, and if necessary will put visiting on hold.” Partner and kids need to know your stance ahead of time as well. Also key: 1) you may explain but it’s best to keep it short “I believe this is what’s best for my children and I will not be discussing it further.” 2) YOU are the one that holds the boundary. She breaks it, and you tell the kids “We are leaving” and you go, no matter how many tears or tanties MIL or hubs or kids have. That’s the advice every therapist and person with a boundary-stomper in their lives has given me. HOWEVER. I think I’ve only done this 3 times in my 10 years of marriage. Because I HATE how it feels.My partner is toxic, and I was raised not to stand up for myself. 🙃 😣

PS. 1) I find it UTTERLY foul that MIL would have obvious favoritism. What you described IS obvious favoritism and it is SHAMEFUL. It makes me question whether or not it is emotionally safe for your kids to be around her much. I bet $100she’s some kind of Narcissist. There are different kinds—covert, overt, communal,etc. If Only I’d Known by Chelsea Cole is good, and It’s not You by Ramani Durvasula (as well as her videos) are good re: narcs. 2) if your partner does not see anything wrong with that, or with her taking shots at your parenting, he’s fucked up, too. (not judging you, I live with one 😣) Sending love. I hope she changes and so does he. But start documenting. And make plans in case. 🫂 it’s hard out here with these assholes.

It’s your husband’s fault to be honest. Regardless of if he agrees with you, he’s supposed to have your back. If I were you I wouldn’t bring my kids around her and she wouldn’t be allowed over. Mother in law or not. You can’t respect me and my word/wishes for my kids, then you don’t have the honor of seeing them. Period.