When to prepare to try again

I fell pregnant sometime around june/july 2022, had no idea i was pregnant until 34 weeks ( they Estimated due to size ) My daughter came at 37 weeks via c section ( i chose that option). So as you can imagine having no idea all that time, no prenatal vitamins etc were taken, over xmas i had a sip or two of Alcohol etc. In other words i just lived life like it was any normal day until i found out. I then fell pregnant again last october wasn't trying it was an accident but we planned to keep it, then i miscarried at 6 weeks give or take, it was horrible, i was numb for a week. Felt like a failure, my first went so smoothly i mean, i had no idea. After we kind of tried to get back to normal for our Daughter, we decided since we now wanted another once the miscarriage ended we would just no longer be careful and just let nature run it's course. I read that usually miscarriages are a 1 off thing and i mean i had my first without issues, i was nervous yes and anxious, i was taking my daily Folic acid etc tabs and getting my body 'prepared' we fell pregnant around december, we were excited and nervous, i took tests every 2 days to watch the line progression, it was darkening very nicely. All seemed great, we passed week 6, week 7, week 8 and so on. No cramping, no bleeding, all pregnancy symptoms ( achy lower back, belly getting firmer, slight nausea ) we have been to the midwife appointments we are excited, first scan booked, we sign the paperwork about giving the ok to check for the 3 syndromes, we get to the 12 week scan i am meant to be about 12 weeks 2 days going by my last period. We get called in, super excited to see the baby and get pics to actually post that we are expecting. Lay down, they begin the scan and i am watching. Then i hear the words, how far along are you? I say again, he goes.. have you had any bleeding? In that moment i knew, no i hadn't i look over and all there is.. is an empty sack, my bodies idea of a sick joke. Gets my hopes up making it to 12 weeks just to be an empty sac and no baby, i break down, this makes 2 in a row.... i am heartbroken. Been heartbroken since the 18th... bleeding started the day after the scan and has only just finally stopped, i had some of the worst cramping off my life, passed the sac in it's entirety and mourned what could have been again. Now i know i want to have another as does my partner, i hear that getting pregnant before 3 months after your last highers your chance or something along those lines of a successful next pregnancy but that clearly didn't happen. So now i am left wondering, when do i try again if i do? Firstly we want to get to being seen by a doctor to check that everything has passed and of course check that everything is ok, as we just want some kind of idea as to what is wrong, if anything. Why this happened etc. Before we try again, if we find out nothing is wrong with me and i am safe to try again. When do i try again? I just don't know what to tell myself anymore. It is still so fresh and heartbreaking. Thank you. Sorry to anyone who has gone through similar.

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I’ve also had 2 missed miscarriages and unfortunately going through my third miscarriage now. It hurts and sucks and seeing that there is nothing in the sac or hearing ‘there’s no heartbeat’ I don’t think anything can be worse. I’m sorry for your loss x

@Courtney Davis thank you and i am so sorry for your loss too. It is so hard and doesn't get any easier. Although i am partially glad it was an empty sac rather than no heart beat, i think that would havs broke me double what these have. It sucks because you get your hopes up, yet are constantly scared due to previous miscarriages that you start to wonder is it worth the possible pain and heartbreak of another one for the chance at a successful pregnancy, it's hard. I know i want another and i know i want to try again, yet another part of me is frightened to try again because i can't go through this all again and again. I defs think i will base my decision on what i am told once i go in for a check up. As heartbreaking as that will be too.

Hi Amy, I have had 3 miscarriages as well as 3 healthy babies. Mine went baby, early loss, early loss, baby, missed miscarriage at 10 weeks, baby. Things I've learned along the way: - making a baby is infinitely complicated. Cells divide from 2 to trillions, and if one cell division doesn't work quite right you don't get a baby at the end. When you think about it that way, it's a wonder we get any babies at all. - you may never know why it happened but the chances are it's nothing you've done - if your body allows you to get pregnant again then it's ready to get pregnant again - you've done it once so you know you and your partner can make a baby together and you can carry it to full term - every pregnancy is a new start and what came before bears little to no bearing on this one. - if I'd stopped trying, out of a fear of loss, after my first 2 miscarriages I wouldn't now have my son and daughter (baby 2 and 3) Hope that helps and feel free to message me if you want to chat! X

@Jessica thank you so much, i really needed to hear that, sorry for your losses too x

So sorry for your losses - anembryonic pregnancies are so hard. I know exactly how you felt when you look at that screen and just see an empty sac… it didn’t hit me until we were ushered to a side waiting room with leaflets on baby loss and a memorial tree… so sad… I think anembryonics aren’t studied too much but they’re genetic abnormalities from what I read , which unfortunately increase chance with age. I’d maybe take a month off and focus on yourself in this fresh flush of spring, have sex for pleasure if you want it, track ovulation if you like, and just relax for 1 month. Your body is doing so well to be recovering from the mc, it will be capable of more, soon.

@Chloe thank you! It is tough honestly. I turn 30 this year so i am really hoping i can have another soon before my chances start to dwindle more but i 100% agree i need to wait atleast a month! X

I had three miscarriages, 1st one at 9 weeks, 2nd one chemical, 3rd one ectopic. After each loss I felt ready to keep trying only thing I made sure was after each pregnancy the test was negative and my scans showed everything has been cleared and no remaining tissue which usually takes about two weeks. After that we started trying again.

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