Visitors….

just sent a firm boundary on how you are very instant on doing what you want and what is best for you and baby! people like that need to be told the hard way that they will be welcomed over when you feel comfortable enough to have people over. it also seems like you made it pretty clear on what you want and she’s clearly ignoring so you need to be firm and if she can’t understand that then seems to me she needs to spend time away from baby once he/she is here because at the end of the day you’re the mother and you have that right to choose who you want around your baby especially right after birth ! if she can’t respect a simple boundary then she won’t be able to respect you at all during the process of your child growing in the future and will continue to do things like this!

Have your husband insist that whatever you are comfortable with is what needs to happen no matter what. This is the last thing you need to be worrying about.

I allowed my MIL to be around all the time during the newborn bubble. And honestly it’s my biggest regret. I feel I missed out on everything bonding and skin to skin etc. now over 13 months later no family visits us unless we invite because we found that we constantly had no time for us as a family. People that have a problem with your boundary are the people that need your boundary. Stay firm. Stand your ground. This is your family! Not necessarily hers!

Ya I honestly regret having her around too. I had only 2 requests, 1. She would not be there when I'm delivering 2. She wouldn't kiss the baby. She did both. Your husband will need to back you up on this.

@Kailee the exact same with kissing for us too! My nephew at the time was dealing with RSV. And so I was super vigilant about kissing. I ended up putting my hand over my son’s face every time someone leaned in! Why do people think this is normal!!!

Boundaries babe. ♡

Set a boundary! Don’t tell her when you go into labour and don’t let her in if she turns up! We did this with my mil! Said we will let you know when we are ready and my husband made it clear she would not be welcome if she turned up uninvited xx

Don’t tell her you’ve given birth until you are ready for visitors!

Remember, too, the risk of whooping cough exposure, if your MIL hasn’t had a booster. Also, perhaps if there are security staff at the hospital they may be able to be informed that you do not wish her to be there immediately after the birth. Talk with your man about all of this, of course. Do your best to stress how important it is for baby’s health, and your mental health, to be in disturbed by others for a time. (I don’t imagine he’ll want a mentally distressed, weepy, over-pressured wife to deal with. He needs to know that’s what could happen. You’ll be a bit emotional anyway - that’s normal - having MIL around when you don’t wish to will just take this to a higher level.)

Sorry - that should say ‘undisturbed.’

Now is the time to not only set but reinforce boundaries to set the tone for future expected behavior. Make it known that your wishes will be respected and there is no other choice. If it makes you feel better, let her know that you're trying to get to know yourself as a parent and get to know your baby so you need that time for yourself and your little family alone before anyone comes over. Don't cave

We asked our nurses at the hospital not to let anyone in other than my mom and they were very good about that. They let people down very gently and were really good about their approach. People understood

You can also mention that you'll be breast feeding, if that's what you'll be doing, and you'll need privacy

Give these people an inch and they take a mile. Set that boundary and stick to it.

With my first, no one knew I was in the hospital. (We let them know the next day that baby had arrived) However my partners mother was over at the house before I even managed to get out of the shower. That’s my biggest regret, allowing her to guilt me into letting her come over as soon as we got home. I feel like she took a special moment from us. Now I’m pregnant with my second I’ve made it very clear that they arnt welcome to visit until I’m ready and my first born is settled fully with our newborn. X

Set that boundary. My mom desperately wanted to be in the room with my husband and I while I delivered the baby and I had to tell her so many times that "no, it will be just me and my husband". She also waited in the waiting room for the entire 32 hours that I labored and until I finally allowed her to come in (about 8 hours after delivery because I was exhausted and needed sleep) She wasn't thrilled that she had to wait but she's gotten over it. It helps that the hospital staff asks who your support people are and typically won't let anyone else in other than that support person. If you're concerned, just let the hospital staff know that you don't want her in your room until you are ready. The maternity/postpartum wing of a hospital is usually pretty locked up so if you tell the staff you don't want her in your room, it should be pretty easy for them to keep her out. Make sure your husband is aware of how you feel and supports that decision.

As for the comment about her being around so much that baby won't know who Mom is, I very much hope she is just over excited but that is a very weird comment to make and also needs to be addressed. My parents stayed with us for a week after our LO was born, and while it was nice to have that help, I think I'm going to tell them that I don't want that for the next baby because I just wanted to relax and bond with baby and my mom was constantly wanting to hold her so it was difficult for me to set those boundaries because I was so tired and she made me feel guilty for "keeping her new grandbaby from her". I definitely suggest making a plan with your partner. Let him know what your boundaries are with MIL and ask him to help you keep those boundaries. When you're postpartum, the last thing you want to do is constantly have to set boundaries with someone, so if your partner is willing to take that responsibility, postpartum will be much less stressful for you.

Agreed, there’s nothing wrong with you setting firm boundaries. If you/partner have made yourselves clear that you aren’t ready for visitors at home and don’t want them in the hospital you have every right to make that decision. If she can’t accept that then there’s nothing stopping you from simply not letting her come inside the house. I’m dealing with a similar situation in boundary setting with my MIL and my own mom wanting to be there right away but know that it’s going to be a huge change physically/emotionally and I will need that time to adjust. Your needs and baby’s needs are most important. This is your experience.

No chance! Get your partner to tell her that I’m no uncertain terms, that time is yours and his and you refuse to break your boundaries. People get to see the baby when you say so, not when they decide!

I’m allowing my immediate family at the hospital first after birth and I feel good enough for visitors and then his family either later that day or the next day then no visitors at home for at least a week while we settle in. I DO NOT want people in my face or bugging to hold the baby while I’m adjusting as a first time mom. So many people say “take the help, you’ll want the help” but no I don’t want it, I’m very lucky to have a partner who is planning to step up and share the work with me and we need to establish a routine and adjust to being parents before we have visitors.

Tell her she will not be coming over until YOU invite her. There is no timeline on your comfort and that she will choose to accept whatever time and space you need or unfortunately she couldn't not be around.

My MIL had a secret hate for me over the 7 years I was with her son prior to my first child's birth. There were many red flags and it was all revealed by her disrespect post baby and an ultra insane hate letter sent to my husband's email when I was 2 weeks post partum. Lay down the law nowwwwww.