How to deal with this?.. family rant

So bipolar is typically cycles that last like days - months, bpd tho is borderline personality disorder, which is where there’s rapid cycling through emotions, (like all good one minute, sad or angry the next, then 5 minutes later everything is fine again;) & is often associated with the main symptom being fear of abandonment But it’s not your responsibility to fix your father. You can express your genuine care & curiosity into if he’d look into a diagnosis, but looking into both bipolar and bpd and seeing how other people handle relationships with their parents who share the diagnosis could be helpful! (Tons of posts about people tryna heal their relations with their parents through a mental health lens on insta and stuff) cause we can only control what we can. Cant force people to wanna figure it out for themselves

There’s a lot to unpack. I’ll recommend some further reading: 1. Google or TikTok “Attachment styles” (narcissists are a sub-type of avoidants), 2. “Mother Hunger” by Kelly Daniel (focus is on female, but gives great perspective on the parent dynamic), and 3. “Let them” by Mel Robbins (you don’t need to argue, more like “i dont (hate you), but I imagine that’s a difficult feeling/thought to have”. 4. No to cut-off, but yes establish boundaries (look up boundaries - these are things you can control)

@Parker 又 I’d say maybe borderline, but it’s not as rapid. He’ll hold a grudge for a week and not talk to us and then even though we’re still upset for what offensive thing he said to us he will start up a conversation like nothing ever happened. It’s bizarre. I got diagnosed with manic depression so whenever he goes off on these whatever they are it really affects me. I just really wish I knew what was going on in his brain. I’m concerned for my kids like what if they have what he has or maybe it’s just a him thing.. I don’t know. He’s also been caught being a serial cheater I don’t know if that’s a symptom of anything, but he lies about it and it’s so weird. I feel bad for my mom.

@Demelza I’ll check those out thank you

I mean you’re the only one who lives the reality with him! We don’t know everything you do, if your gut says to create distance there’s absolutely nothing wrong with following your gut.

If he won't seriously consider therapy, maybe a therapist could help you sort through your own feelings about the situation. And definitely have clear boundaries with him. When he makes wild accusations in the presense of other family members, instead of entertaining them ("when have I ever said that?") Calmly state it as a fact ("I have never said that.")

@Parker 又 the thing is it’s hard to create distance between him. We all live in a multigenerational home. I just want to really know what’s going on with him and how to help the situation, but I’d do my best to create space if it’s needed.

@Melissa I’ve done that and then he says “you don’t have to say it, you show it” or he’ll say “I already know that’s the truth” going to a therapist to see what they think about him and what to do sounds like a good idea though. It’s just been hard finding one through insurance.

To me (as someone with bpd) it definitely sounds like it. It doesn’t have to necessarily be rapid mood swings (those definitely do happen) but holding a grudge can definitely be a part of it. It’s really hard to navigate and control your emotions when your brain doesn’t really have the ability to do so but that doesn’t excuse his behavior if he doesn’t try to seek help. There’s only so much you can do to make him get help, but it’s up to him and he likely won’t get better without it. So you might have to decide whether you want it around your kids or not. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

@MaryKate thank you 🖤🥲

@MaryKate yeah I have bpd too just am corralling a toddler so I couldn’t get as specific as I woulda loved ahahah but yall lovely ladies in the comments have filled in the gaps I woulda if I had more hands ahahahah

Also creating distance looks different for everybody!! The main thing is finding what works to benefit everybody’s quality of life! But you’re responsible for your own kids, not your father. (Meaning like fixing dad isn’t your job)