European mama in need of advice

I would definitely suggest changing doctors if you can! A lot varies between practices and our pediatrician is not like this at all, though I know it happens. It is definitely very lonely here, we take terrible care of mothers and babies in the US. Mommy and Me groups help to find local services. I find mine Google or at local libraries. But doctor shopping is definitely a thing here

@Rachael thanks a lot for your input! 🙏 I’ve already looked into some mommy & me groups, but the ones I found were really expensive. As much as I’d like to invest in this we don’t have the money for it right now. But I’ll definitely start by looking for a new pediatrician. I’m sure the care varies a lot from doctor to doctor and even state to state.

Some of them are pricey by me too! It’s wild. I’ve found some free ones at nonprofits and such but it feels like everything is extra pricey in post partum

OMG I feel like I wrote that LOL! I am from Belgium and yes, normally you have PP care at home. My cousin was blown away when 8 told her how things were here… I’d advise midwifery practice next time around. I went with midwives and even though it’s not like in Belgium, I had more care than standard OBGYN. And trot the pediatrician, I went with an integrative practice and have never felt rushed! They always took their time with my daughter, and made sure to answer all my questions!

For the pediatrician *

@Rachael it really is!! I’ll definitely keep looking. I’m sure I’ll be able to find play groups and such, I’m more worried about the development part. It’s hard to know what to look for unless you’re told. I’m sure he’s good though, I just don’t wanna miss out on potential care I didn’t know of :)

@Pauline haha my family and friends are the same 😂 Thanks for your advice! I wish we had gone for a midwife, but everything was pretty rushed as I moved more than halfway through the pregnancy. I’ve heard from several people it’s a very different experience and much more attentive care. I’ll look into integrative practices too! 🙏

Your OB/clinic sucked and that's not the norm! Sorry that was your experience. I got a nurse visit the day after I went home and then a 2 week and 6 week check. After that you can schedule with your OB as needed. For pediatrician, a three day, two week, 4 week is the norm and then every other month starting at two months. If your baby showed risk factors in the early checks then they check him more often or send a nurse to your home. For example my niece was a NICU baby and a nurse visits her once a month for the first 18 months. If your baby was thriving in those first few appointments, every other month is plenty. As mothers we get a little paranoid, but every other month is great. US babies have pretty good outcomes relative to European babies (they don't fare worse at all).

@Stephanie dang! Yeah that was not my experience at all. I even had some worries about my foot staying numb for weeks after the birth and the OB clinic just told me to wait it out 😟 I totally agree, US babies do just as good, I just feel every checkup I’ve had with him has been super short and rushed. So I wondered if that’s normal.

I live in Colorado so the check ups that you speak of I get through programs offered unfortunately this a state by state situation honestly I’m sorry you had to move here we are the worst postpartum care in the world. But where I live our state pays to have extra programs. I track most motor skills on my Philip avent app on my phone which I did for my first kid who is now 3. Honestly I had to build along with my team a postpartum schedule that worked for me. I would definitely look into new doctors for you and baby because they should never rush you because you are literally paying them. I am able to check my babies weight weekly at local drs offices. In my state we have a family nurse partnership for two years for everyone’s first born many don’t use the service which is dumb because they visit weekly and it’s free. And with my second it’s 3 months but if needing extra support three will set it up for you. Which has been amazing.

@Josefine I think it varies from clinic to clinic. I've only had one son and our appointments don't feel rushed and our pediatrician is great (and also checks for PPD). Unfortunately there is quality variation, if I were you I'd give them that feedback and also just find a different clinic. You can sometimes tell from the website or ask for an intro appointment. My pediatrician clinic does a Zoom orientation for all new babies each month where parents can ask about operations and I got a really good vibe from them there. You definitely have the right to shop around for someone who gives your baby the attention he/she deserves!

Depending on where you live look into a public health or a baby wellness clinic. Where I live we have both and they check on baby's measurements and weight every week plus give out formula if you need it or coupons for formula. Don't feel alone all doctors here in the US I feel are go go and rushing everything or they late all the time.

I stumbled upon the “wonder weeks” website and app, and have really liked it for a sanity check on the fussies. As in…I am not crazy, my LO is off her schedule, and extra fussy today and it’s just a brain growth spurt and it will pass. I think it was $35 for two years on the app, and has a number of articles about so many development milestones and a simple guides of games/activities with specific development “leaps”. The website also has a number of articles all covering the first 20 months (so not quite 2 years).

Following because I’m in the same boat! I try not to overpanic as baby does seem happy overall but it is nervewrecking to do it all alone

@Rebecca oh I love Colorado! It’s so beautiful there :) It definitely also sounds like there are more and better options for care than in TN. But yeah overall I think the big thing in the US is that everything is private so it really comes down to money. Whereas in Denmark most care is public so doctors have no agenda. At the end of the day they are paid through the government.

@Stephanie thanks for your input 🙏

@Josie thank you! I’ll look into that :)

@Anne oh this looks very interesting!! Could very well be what I opt for. Thanks for the tip 😍

@Kat yeah same! I’m also very confident my baby is happy and healthy, but at the same time it’s like you don’t know what you haven’t learned yet. And you can find a lot of advice on the internet but the internet is not always right ;) you have to be so selective in your sources.

I just remembered I use an app from the CDC called milestones. It’s very helpful and even gives tips on what to look out for and when to be concerned

@Rachael nice, thanks! Definitely sounds helpful to have :)