On the edge rant
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Please stay strong! I know how you feel! Ask a friend or family member to come over and help out. It’s okay to ask for help! x
@KELLY BLANKSON @Agnese my friends and family are the ones who come over and say they'll take care of the baby while I get on with housework. I've been asking for help for weeks and I haven't received it. I even asked my mum if we could just have a day where we go out without the baby and not talk about the baby, where I could just be me again and maybe have some retail therapy, but she was begging for me to bring him along or to stay at home with him, and when I said no and repeated my request she made me feel like crap, so I stayed home on my own with the baby.
Sorry to hear this , is there no one on your partners side who could help ?
Can you speak to your partner about pulling his weight. My husband was very hands on with our daughter but he wasn't doing any of the "behind the scenes" stuff. I spoke to him about sterilising and other things we have to do and how just because I CAN do it myself, it doesn't mean I SHOULD. he's really taken it on board and is doing so much more. Sometimes it's like we need a meeting to discuss what's bothering each other in a calm way, make sure you praise him for the things he's doing well - a lot of it doesn't come naturally to men, I've found the more I say how well he's doing, the more he wants to do.
@KELLY BLANKSON they're pretty much the same. They only come round to see the baby and only invite me over if he is the +1. They're now even breaking my rule of making a fuss over the cat first if they come round to the house. At this point it kinda feels like "the baby is thriving so who gives a sh*t about me?"
@Chloe I've spoken to him previously about my needs because he was fixated on his phone when I was trying to talk to him or rushing to get the baby ready when we were leaving the house, and I just felt very alone in a lot of ways. He got better for about a week but it's starting to pick back up again. Like last night when we were supposed to switch so I could get some sleep before he went to work, he stayed in bed on his phone for an hour, leaving me to only have 4 hours (which wasn't 4 hours because I was in so much pain). It just felt a little selfish to me. Then when he DID come downstairs, he woke the baby up after it had just taken me 3 hours after his bottle to get him to sleep. He's hands on with our baby, so the baby is really well taken care of which is great. But it just feels like I'm being forgotten by everyone, including myself.
Is it worth you trying to talk to the perinatal team? The adjustment to motherhood can be so hard and they are there for that. They can come round to talk, help where you need it some can offer almost a respite where they will take baby for a little so you can sleep or relax or do whatever you feel you need to in that moment. I had them with my daughter and they made all the difference to me; I actually felt like I had help, that I had people who cared about me and not just the baby, that I had the support I needed.
It is so hard and especially hard when you are a single parent that's still in a relationship. I can promise it does get easier, this newborn stage is so intense and demanding. In the meantime, I would definitely speak to your other half and set some rules as to who does what and when. What some people don't realise is whilst the dad does work, being a mom is a 24/7 job with no pay, no holidays, and no breaks. My other half worked all round the clock so I did have to do most of the work, it won't hurt the baby to cry for 10 minutes whilst you have a shower as long as they're in a safe space. I used to keep the baby in the bouncer in the room with me whilst I had a quick shower. It's poor from your other half as he should be making sure your basic needs are met. You just birthed a whole human and you need your necessities like a shower and meals to prevent infection. I'm sorry you have to deal with this and hope you realise your worth x
I honestly feel like I could have wrote most of this post , so I know the feeling . Stay strong mumma you got this ❤️
Do you have any family close that could help give you some time on your own to relax ?