Deep thoughts

Hi everyone I’m not sure if anyone else is feeling like this but I’m a first time mama to a 9 month old baby girl.. and I’ve just been feeling really out of sorts at the moment with myself.. I’ve just completely and utterly lost and can’t seem to get back to who I am now.. I’m trying to figure that out but I feel I’m in such a big rutt that I can’t seem to pull myself out.. it’s like I’m holding myself down I can’t swim up I’m stuck it’s so sad I do everything for everyone and I seem to just be here just present for everyone to take.. it’s like my body is frozen and people come along and just take pieces of me and then leave and I’m just not able to move.. it’s coming up to my little girls 1st birthday and because I have no mum friends at all my little girl has no friends so I’m sitting here thinking apart from family there’s no other children I can ask to come because we don’t have any friends.. we have nobody but each other and I feel so bad because I’ve tried to make friends but nobody stays they all seem to go and leave and I can’t put my finger on why? Like why am I so bad that I can’t make friends? What’s so bad about me? I just don’t know what else to do..😔 I just want a group of friends who actually stay and who actually understands everything never judges and just always there..