Venting

Long story short -- my soon to be in laws are paying for our wedding. I insisted on having something smaller that i can afford (I'm a grad student, so it would be very small) but my fiancé of course ignored that. All his siblings had these elaborate weddings. My fiancé and I then decided to invite max 60ish people (just his family is like 50)... now his parents call us talking about selecting a band and them taking care of the guest list and invitation.. they talked about how they're inviting cousins and their plus one, their childhood friends, etc... am I wrong to be annoyed. Then on the phone my fiancé asked if it sounded good.. um what am I suppose to say no to the people paying for this crap? Am I wrong to be annoyed? I certainly don't want to be ungrateful. Idk, the wedding is 10 months away... I'm fuming.

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LOL back out immediately and elope.

Their generosity doesn’t give them the right to take over your wedding day. It’s about you and your husband. Not them. I’m still dealing with resentment from how my in-laws handled my wedding day. If I could do it again I wish I would’ve put my foot down. I’d advise you to do the same.

It’s your wedding at the end of the day. It should be how you both want it to be.

Them paying for the wedding shouldn't mean they get to make big decisions. However, it's their money and really they can put whatever conditions in place that they want to to give you the money. You would be completely in your right to argue their decisions but If you argue with them on these things then you need to accept that they may refuse to pay.

I can’t stand people who use their money to push what they want on to other people. Then if you say anything you’re ungrateful. If you refuse it you’re an asshole. 😑 My ex in laws did this constantly and with everything. We were constantly gifted things but it’s what they wanted or wanted to do. We were “gifted” a reception as our marriage present even though we eloped for a reason. Amazing right? I didn’t get to pick where, when, who was invited, decorations, cake or anything. I’m sorry I lied, I was able to choose what kind of cake not what it looked like. My daughter’s nursery? Nope. Grandma had already bought all the decor. Then she added some razzle dazzle. My daughter’s communion. I get a call. “Hi we want to pay for this but there’s a budget and this is what we want.” HUH? I’m not saying this is how they will be, but if you don’t nip it now and they are like this you’re going to regret not saying anything.

Oh god. Don’t take their money. This will be the start of a life of headaches.

it’s your wedding, so i think you should have the say not his parents. i’d say to them i appreciate your generosity, but this just isn’t what i want so we’ll plan it ourselves

There's no rush is there? Do you have time to Save more money and plan yourself with your partner.

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