Battles with the in laws do I go ahead with a first birthday party?
Show your support
Her relationship with you shouldn’t dictate her relationship with her grand child. After all, baby is part of her son. Just do you girl. All you can do is extend an olive branch. But her lack of cooperation is on her. Celebrate your baby the way you want and who wants to support will. Those are your LO’s village.
I just feel like no matter what I try she sets the tone and we argue and of course he sides with her. She said she felt ostracised from my pregnancy, it was my pregnancy! Some of the things are so childish! Also to note it’s the one and only grandchild. 5 visits because she’d rather not see me and I refused for her to have baby without me x
Hey mama. Last year, for my child’s 1st I just sent an invite and left that open to them. They didn’t come. Not a uncle, not a cousin, not even grandma or her grandpa. Only my side of the family came and one of her friends from BRT. I’d send the invite virtually, just for the sake of it but If they don’t come, can’t say you didn’t invite them. And then move on in terms of your in-laws. If she’s going to let your relationship affect her relationship with baby, that’s on her. It’s not for lack of trying. You though, don’t get in the way of their relationship, your baby’s and grandparents, ok? Now, your husband… yikes. But I feel like a lot of girls on here, from what I see, have this same issue. Assert yourself in the household and make it clear that you do not feel understood, valued, or protected (that’ll hit their ego). If it was sooner, I’d say give the ultimatum like I did.. but now it’s too late and there are kids. I guess therapy? But I dont know how that works for couples.
Buddy needs to back you up though. Like, that’s very emasculating behaviour. He got into this to be your partner.. in all aspects of life.
@Isadora I just don’t see why they should only see baby on their turf and their terms. Respect is earnt and if they can’t put aside their issues to be involved I cannot give them access to my lo. Especially when lo doesn’t know them x
Yeah, for the sake of everyone here… I’m not going to get into this. Already got in a fight with one person here about this and all I’m going to say is, it’s not your call. I have been publically humiliated by my in-laws more than a handful of times. I always take the high road. Why? It kills them. And that is enough satisfaction for me. Don’t live with his eating you up. You’ll age. You send the invite, good? good.y in-laws literally threw my daughter their own first bday and I didn’t show up. Simple. Again assert yourself. You’re the glue.
As for my household, grandparents can request to see the kids and we mediate something. I am always present, whether they like it or not. They already have a warning not to communicate through me, they’re one strike away from a restraining order, they only communicate through my husband, and he knows if he steps out, I’m out. Assert yourself. For context, we do see the grandparents directly or indirectly about 4-5x/week
I think you’re being the bigger person to try and bring everyone together. It sounds like a great idea but if she chooses not to come then that’s on her, and your partner should see that. It should be about baby first, as well as the three of you as a family, and extended family should not get to control the dynamic. If her not choosing not to come despite being invited causes an argument for you and your partner then your partner needs to re-evaluate priorities